the Matrix Revolution

I watched the Matrix Revolution.. kind of nice movie.. always asking me to think deep... what are we actually?who am I? If i'm not myself, then who am I? its kind of hard question isn't it? =)

aku dan sesuatu

pernah kah kalian semua terfikir.. yang kita ni, semuanya idup dalam satu cyclic loop yang tak berhenti... kita tidur, bangun tidur, solat, study, tidur balik... cyclic loop ini adalah satu keadaan yang ditetapkan untuk kita penduduk bumi.... loop hanya akan berhenti bila kiamat.. graviti akan berubah, medan magnet bumi berubah, semuanya terapung macam kelkatu (surahal-adiayah.. kalau x silap..).. itulah rasa MATRIX.. deja vu... memang setiap masa berlaku.. lagi lagi kita yang Muslim ni.. kita boleh rasa deja vu pasal kita dan amalan kita yang tertentu yang DIA redha, membolehkan kita mendapat kuasa naluri dan intuisi... terfikir tak korang semua pasal mende ni? terfikir tak agaknya?
agaknya ada yang terfikir , tetapi... tak ramai.
Tak semua orang mampu dan mahu untuk mentadabbur Quran...

berjalan melihat jalan yang tercengkam kerana dua halangan .. satu keegoan .. dua kesempitan.. siapa tahu maksudnya? Tolong bagitau.. ok?

I'm back! God, what happen to my love learner role of life? it's seem awkward, null. empty, passionless... u know what i mean. Rite now, it's the time of autumn... the time when the love is being tested.... how long the heart can go without the love of human. I miss Arfah.. but she wont spare my rindu for her... actually, her pa and ma didnt allow me to befriend with her, but i'm kind of stubborn... guyz, what do u think?

I believe I can fly,,, I believe I can touch the sky...

Spread my wings and fly away....
Ibelieve I can hold.. my destiny to my very own..
I believe I can fly...

(brian mcknight)

Assalamualaikum...

Hello everybody?!!!!!

At last, I arrived here, in MCIIUM. Coz i'm belong to the matrix and I want to do something bizzarre for IIUM.. that's my dream.. and by His will and power, I will achieve my dreams.

"dreams come true (they do)
dont u know that dreams come true.. (westlife)"

GOT TO GO, should say no, someone waiting for me...

listen baby i'm sorry,
just wanna tell u dont worry,
I will be late just dont stay up and wait for me...

i said again.. my battery is low, so you know,
we're going to a place nearby, got to go!

actually i'm thinking of ending this blog... i dont feel like writing it... sebabnya...

skarang i'm dealing with my 'darkside' of myself... i'm having trouble with my self... and i want to fix it by myself.. so... i just want to tell everybody that this blog is not going to be activated for about 3 month starting from today, 25 of July 2003... and , o ilham_hanna, i suggest you add me as your friend in YM! and we can chat there.. dont hope for this kind of 'me' anymore...

and one more thing, did anyone knows how can i fix this archive... ? I want to show all my archive but with this new look, i cant find it...

Salams!
I'm gonna take my chem lab 2 mid sem paper tonight. Pray for my success, guys!

Hm....

you know what? Suddenly, just after I woke up from my refreshing sleep... I visualized something....

I heard the explosion sound next to me when I was sleeping. The wall next to me collapses on my body. On my head. On my chest. Unable to breath. Gasping for air. 5 seconds passsed. And I died because of being smashed with my room wall. Why? Because A BOMB HAS LANDED ON MY ROOF.

!!!!!!!

Men, I'm so grateful to be alive again.. there's so many things I haven't done... my family... myself... my Quran... and my friends there in Iraq, I haven't done anything good to help them.... I really hope I can do something like praying for their safety everyday, and if possible, doing solat hajat for them.... hmmmh.

hehe... kelmarin jogging... hari nih nak gi jogging gak... best gile...!

masuk hari nih, aku dah berjaya buat 5 lagu... siap ngan lirik skali. Alhamdulillah.. sementara bakat nih dan masa yang terluang masih banyak, boleh la guna untuk something u Islam... harap harap sgt Allah terima apa y aku buat nih.. kalau tak sia sia je la aku "luang" masa..

hehe... yesterday I went jogging... and today, i'll jog too.... feel so great..really great! Awesome! (spidey said..)

Until today, I've composed 5 song... with full lyrics included... hmm.. thanks to Him for blessing me with this gift... i'll use it while the gift is still there, doing something for our Islamic generation today.. hopefully this effort will be blessed and accepted by Him... if not, all my time and effort will turn into a big waste..

The holiday ended.. hmm... what a holiday...

What a great holiday..!

I'll return to UIA today... probably on 10 o'clock.

I just returned from my 2nd 'recreation park', my beloved Darul Quran. Being there for my junior's khatam quran ceremony. And for the sake of recreation too. Re-creation. To create myself again, for the next semester in UIA. Hmmm.

(One thing I didn't like about typing is, u will have the tendency to go back and rewrite your sentence when u think u are doing mistakes, whether it's a spelling mistakes, or, it's a sentence mistakes, such as grammar... and etc.) Alhamdulillah, I refound myself, just as I hope before, and it feels really good when u found your self back. You know what to do to be whom your should be....( it's not the matter of accepting things as it is already fated to be and u can't do nothing about it, it's about planning and alligning urself with the track as what u've planned before, according to your knowledge level upon yourself.... am I sound confusing? I hope not!).... anyone remember Rasulullah s.a.w prayer about this matter? Alaa.... the doa which says, " O my Almighty God, give me the patience to see things as it be, and the courage to see things as it should be..." , or...is it vice-versa? Hmm.... what an "insan".

Assalamualaikum....

At last... after nearly 2 months of waiting... finally I can touch my blog again.

I would like to share to anyone who come to this page... well... its about my days in the previous semester.

Let's see.... what happened first....mmm, yes, the first thing happened, is, the beginning of interactive diary... (if you can say so). On the third day of Raya Aidilfitri, someone mistakenly keyed in my number in her (her?.... hehe... fami, what's this?) phone, and sending message...

"diana, ko kat mana?"

At that time, I was in a mosque, at my kampung. I just finished doing my zuhur prayer congregationally with my pa and my brother.

"Aaa? Who's this?" I mumbled to myself.

"diana takde kat sini. Mi ada la."

"Mi? wei diana, jangan gurau la.."

"betul la. kat sini takde diana. Mi ada la. Tak tau la ko kenal ke tak. N/F."

"oh, mi. ni m/f ke n/f?"

"ni n/f. mungkin nombor kwn ko tu hujungnya 9528, atau 5298, atau 2958."

After a few minutes....

"sori la tadi saya salah nombor. Oh, ni mi ye? kat mana nih?"

"johor... "

"student lagi ke? kat ne?"

"kau kat mana? utm/uum/ukm/um/usm/uia?." (atas alasan tak nak menambah kawan y berlainan jantina lagik... so, buat buat bodo...

"uia. awak uia gak ke?"

switch to malay for better feeling... "hm. ko mc ke?"
mintak mintak ye.

"mc. course econ. okey jumpa kat sana.." cheh. confiden gile minah ni aku budak matric.

"jap, jap. aku rasa kau silap dah nih. Aku matrik lagi."

"oh..mc tu matric? ye la. Saya matrik lah. ko tak kenal aku."
alamak. apsal aku cakap gini.

"fahmi ke?"hah, sudah.....aah, biarla.

"hmm..... Nama aku pelik sket. Nurul Fahmi."

"okey la. Sy lm keta nih nak balik Keramat. Jumpa lagi."

Then, after a few messages and phone calls, we become good friends. Then, become more close. It's so sudden.

That's when things becoming..... bertimbun. Friends. Tutorials. Quizzes. Proposal. Follow ups. Close friends. It's not the matter of time management. It's life management.

That was my real character test.. and I think I failed it... well, it just didn't go to my expectation. With my unfinished duty in 2 roles, which is QYC Education Headcomm and Engin's V/P, I just don't get it. Being unreachable and assumed as totally unreachable, (thanks to my stupid SIM, ), bigger problems keep coming.

What can I think of, is, the production capacity has not being increased. I'm imbalanced. I did not go to any exercise programme in this semester, (except for the Taichi in Damansara's Mosque with my Ustaz..)... didnot care for my brain, did not care for my sleep. i just failed. Total loser.

Well...., during this holiday, I am doing my best to overcome the problem. One problem has been solved... which is the "usya usya thing." Well, I just don't get it. I just dislike other's attitude staring at me, as if I'm an alien coming from Roswell with special abilities... after all, ....mmm....maybe it's because my English. At first, two girls found to be staring at me for unknown reason. Trying to "buat bodo", I managed to overcome it for about two months. "well, maybe they're staring another guy besides me." I changed place. And they're doing it again. "Alaa... rileks laa... diorang ada mata, biar la diorang tengok."

At last, during Annual Dinner of Engineous, one of them worked as commitee, and that's when it started to become worse. Something happen. Something really happen. I just want to think and act as if there's nothing happen, but.... I can't. I'm just thinking, "why would she try act like that? Do she really meant to attract me?". I'm sure any guy on this planet called earth would probably thinks and assumes the same.

To my surprise, I can't get her off my mind for about 1 week, when I was home for my 3 weeks holiday. Shit! I wonder if she has do something.... maybe taking the fourth sentence from above-left page in the first pages of surah Toha, as her wirid. or zikir harian.

At last, I call her... and told her everything. I don't want to think of her again. (where did I get the number? haha. Don't ask.. okay, okay, I tell..... in your dreams!) It works.... for 4 days, before I started to miss her like crazy for the whole day. I lie on my bed on twelve and only fall asleep at 1. I couldn't sleep! It's like having her face painted on my ceilings and walls. In the morning, I felt my heart is warm..... (but I don't want to call her anymore, because, I think it would worsen the situation.).... i just call her another friend of mine... hoping that I could release the tense. I called Nana, and Arfah, my adik angkat's close friend. And it is.... alhamdulillah.

Today, I'm going to Darul Quran for my recreation, plus, for my junior's khatam Quran, which will be hold tomorrow. I'm sure I will re-find myself.... hopefully, Insya Allah, and gain more strength to rearrange myself for the upcoming semester.

want to know how smart are u?

hue are you??!!!! =)

Assalamualaikum....

Happy new year.....what's your "azam" for this year?

have you accomplish your last year azam ? If not, you'd better choose to accomplish it before you add something more...
Hi! It's been a long time.....

Never have the power to choose to do this blogging, because right now, was commiting myself to higher level of communication....interactive diary, if you can say so. Sorry to the people, and all my friends who came to this page, just to say..." hek eleh, sama jer, dari bulan lepas..." "bila la budak nie nak update?" "nak buat ke tak nak?"

Yeah, i realize that.....I think I'll continue doing this blogging when this semester will over.....maybe 1 month after this.