18 October 2002

Last night, I dreamnt about something...strange. Quite strange. In that dream, there's a scene where it's actually assembles a scene in Embun. The different is, the script. As the actor, I said this to another person, who's my close friend in this dream.

"I want to leave her, but, the problem is, I can never be apart from her." Then I wake up, automatically, you can say so. The watch shows 5.02, earlier than yesterday.

Then, I continue my sleeping, and this morning I'm vey very unlucky, because I miss my Subuh. Rise again, I see my handphone blinking. "incoming message...hmm, i wonder who is it..." I said to myself.

ooh, it's acik's. I opened it and began to read.

"but after alg decide camtu, honesly acik pasrah with that. Thus, I think we shouldn't have knowing each other before. take care and bye."

So that was my dreamnt all about. I then message her, telling her by the best way I could express. I said to her that i need time to heal myself, and all i ask is time. She then replied back by saying that it's actually ok, because that night, she just want to know what happen, like before. So, she give me time, and the problem is solved. Thank God, Alhamdulillah.

I enter my first physic class this semester with a good paradigm shifting. well, the lecturer isn't bro Omar anymore, and that mean I should do another first impression. Unfortunately thing does not always work as planned before.

this morning, we had already being in the class for 15 minutes. Then, we, the boys came to resolution that if the lecturer didn't come for another 5 minutes, then we all will go home. 5 minutes passed, and we went out. I went to Muaz room to revise yesterday Calc, and not long after that, aroung 10 minutes, Arfah miscalled me. I tried to call her, but she seems not to pick up the phone. I sent message, saying, "jgn miscall...pastu, kalau orang call angkatla...". 2 Minutes after that, an unknown number .. 0139630157...messaged me, saying the physic class is now. Menggelabah gile!

"wei muaz, class physic lar.!"

" hah!??"

We rushed to SM001, wondering what reason should we give to her, and wandering in front of the class for about 8 minutes. Alhamdulillah, God had touched someone's heart to help us. It was Shariff. His lecturer just give 5 minutes rest. As we chat, he says...

"Korang ni kena halau ke?"

"Eh takdela. Tapi kitorang lambat nie. lecturer kitorang yang baru, namanya Madam Sharifah Fadzlun. Tak tau nak cakap apa...."

" La... masuk je. Madam ni madam aku sem lepas. Dia takde apa apa la!"

eh? ye ke? Okey la, kitorang masuk dulu. Thanks!"

We enter the class, and there were only 3 lines of the boys, while the girl were there, all of them. Alhamdulillah, nothing happened. Chem class with madam Horsiah, then went home. Madam Horsiah is a nice lecturer, I think. I also realized there are pattern of Chem's and Physic Lecturer, like they have something in common, according to the subject they taught. Ntah....i just realized it, but I am not too sure about its congruent. After all, knowledge is just an assumption, and acknowledging pattern is part of pursuing the knowledge. Am I right? Only God knows.

" And say nothing about things you know nothing. For sure, your eyes, ear and all your body parts will be the witness for things you have done before. " (al isra).

The most important thing, is, I now feel the paradigm shifting. It's actually how we regard people as what they are, or, as what they should be. A lecturer should be angry, or, should feel some level or angriness towards student who came late, but, as we went to the front side of the class to meet her to apologize, she said that it's okay, because she's also arrived late, at about 8.30, before entering the class.

as the conclusion, we should be aware of any obstacles, our prejudice, our reaction, our feelings, and our acception towards people, but, in the meantime, whe should not block the shifting of the paradigm, the way we see it. We also should not be afraid to see it from other view, and try it. Life is too long to be cry, and too short to be try, but it doesn't mean that we cannot try, at all. We should try, and if we meet obstacle, we try to jump over it. If we meet mistake, failures, and errors, we should use and utilize our own mind and abilities to not to repeat the same mistake, failures and errors again. Am I right? Only God knows.

I feel my English level is not good as before. I can't even say something with the correct word, with the correct contextual meaning. What should I do? should I continue writing my journal before posting it to fahmimahat.blogspot.com? It will consume a lot of time, which should be used to improve my other knowledge and skills, such as my physic, my calc, my chem, and also my time to rethink and muhasabah myself, from the aspect of acknowledging my efficiency and my perfomance in life, in my post, and in all of my roles- God's servant, student, colleague, phy-emo-int-spirit improvement, hafiz, and also Engine's vice press . What do you think?

Kita Kawan, Bukan Mahu Lawan

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