19 October 2002

this are things happening before I sleep.....

I've met Ambiya yesterday...(Elhan Ambiya) in UIAPj's mosque, after maghrib prayer. he mentioned that he went to the UM Hospital to see her aunt's condition. it's been a long time, a very long time i haven't met him, since we went to Smap to take our certificate, in the end of april year 2000, I think so. He seemed surprised, but i don't know what feeling he hide inside. I just don't want to presume and read people anymore...I'll just accept them as a new person.

then, during my meeting with ustaz fairuz for our weekly gathering.....somehow, Ustaz Fairuz mentioned a joke about how he met his very-long-time-no-see friend. He, at that particular time, was in KLIA, sending his "pa" to do umrah. Sudenly he spotted a face, that was very familliar to him. He is not too brave to confront the probablity of being embarassed for wrong people, but deep inside, he really want to know that guy. So, what he did, was, he walk one meter behind his friend, Sham, and called him "sham"...slowly, then walk as nothing happened. After a few paces, he turned back and see that "sham" was, you know, startled. "ah, confirm la ni..." my ustaz said to himself. Then they chat for a few minutes before changing their latest contact info. They did not meet for a out 12 years, you know what? At this moment... i said to my ustaz.

" habis tu, did both of you embrace one another? 12 years...it's a long long time, isn't it? if I were you...i will hug him. ye la, if i were you, I'll hug my 5 years long time no see friend...(then i stopped, looking at ajil and najer...smiling....hehe)...although I can't hug him...!!!" Ajil, Najer and I bursted out a loud laugher. It was then I sensed something, happy, nice feeling, after sharing my real feeling inside with other people, especially the one I close to them most. I felt really really happy. => Alhamdulillah, God Almighty and the Loving, thanks for letting me feel the blessing of friendship which we had created just for You...

When I was still in the mosque, chatting with Shariff and Feqah (the one i forgot his name....in this semester, I forgot almost all names of people whom I usually met...what a memory!), I got one V-Card from Azhani. i wonder who is she...but after a few seconds, I thought that maybe she's among the subheadcomm for our module unit in Edu - QYC. So, i sms her back, asking..."oh, which subheadcomm are you in? i did not perasan la...sorry."

to my surprise, she replied again, after solat..."edd Qyc, eh awak silap orang ni."

alamak, sape lak nie, i said to myself. Not again, I mumbled. Then, I braved myself and replied. " Oh, salahorang.com rupanya. habis tu, awak ni siapa?"

she replied....

"i'm your secretary II engineus + jamaah...maybe you didn't notice kot..."

confused, I then call her, during my way with Kamal to Aika.

"habis tu, ada apa bagi saya Vcard ni? "

"oh, takde apa, sbb ani (ani? aik? apsal guna nama sendiri ni....usually girl would use their name during conversation to people who are close to them...i don't want to predict anything stupid....) dah tukar nombor. so, senang la kalau nak contact."

la, thank god, it's nothing actually, I mumbled. "oh, gitu ke? abih, orang lain dah tau ke belum?"

"azin je yang tak tau..."

"oh, klu azin takde masalah. bilik kitorang dekat je. krg saya cakap ngan dia, ok? Bye, asskum..."

during my dinner, suddenly azlina called, telling me that emi's grandmother sedara has passed away, and asking me, whether she has gave me a call. I said yes, then, we chat for a while before we went to another topic...which is my topic, actually.

"hari tu liya ada cakap pasal kau, fahmi." She said.

oh, really? "dia cakap apa?" tah apa la yang dia cakap psl aku kt Lina nie...

"ala, pasal masalah ko tu lar...ntah la, aku pun tak reti nak tolong..."

"ko tau tak? aku tak rasa langsung ada orang yang paham aku....."

then I shared all points of my problem, including my greatest fear, which is, to avoid the same thing between my pa and ma, happens to me. My situation now, whether to try to contact as best friend, or not..... my "why" should I choose not to end with Baiduri, my fear of hating someone that I've tackled, my fear of turning our relationship (me and baiduri...if were successful in creating a best-friend air...) into something else...my fear of the hardship we faced when we are befriending people whom we had flirted and liked before....and many other things.

I also talked to her about my sharing with his bf, as his bf is one of my best friend, ever. I really hope that at that time, she's pleased, happy, and trust her bf more after this...(heheh, Lina, if youre reading this, jangan marah + jangan senyum lama lama sangat....ekeke). In the end, i said, " Lina, thanks. You make me feel that you understand my situation."

after that, I sent msg to Baiduri, saying..." 28 nights more before we come to the resolution..to forget or not to forget."

Then, after istikharah, i went to sleep at about 1.16 am.

these are things I do after I wake up....

when I wake up, I see my handphone blinking. "incoming message...hmm, i wonder who is it..." I said to myself.

Erpp!!!! Baiduri! ade apa plak nie....???

"tak faham la...apa maksudnya tuh?eleh...konon, tak faham betul ke? girl...I wonder how they think of something....camne result? hope OK."

then i replied...

"28 nights of istikharah left before resolution...remember my option? to forget or not to forget?Most of my dream, except for the 3rd night, shows that I should choose to forget, although the time is hard and the path is tougher. But i still need to wait for the last night...."

"pointer....below par...2.6. What about you. Can you tell me, Baiduri?"

Then she replied.....

"okey la...alhamdulillah...3.667, cumulative 3.501...but science are tougher compared to art, right?

eh, stop kat sini dulu la. askum."

I replied again...

"thanks to you and me, for letting us know what we should, could and do know about ourself. askum."

Kita Kawan, Bukan Mahu Lawan

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